The fight isn't over ... yet

Unfortunately my visit with my oncologist yesterday wasn't quite what I expected to hear.  The CT scan revealed multiple cancer cells in my lymph nodes along my aortic valve and in my pelvis. So that darn CA125 was right after all.  The lymph nodes were clear 4 months ago during my surgery.

My oncologist likened the cancer cells to a bowl of jelly beans.  You've got red ones, green ones, white ones, etc.  The white and green ones are cancer.  The chemo killed off the white ones and kept the green ones from being active.  But now that the white ones are gone and I'm finished chemo, they're able to get food and oxygen so they became active. 

What does all this mean?  Well it's back to chemo I go!  This time for a different drug that will kill off the green ones and put me into remission.  I don't know when I'll resume treatment.  Dr. M. said I might as well enjoy feeling good for awhile.  It won't make any difference if I have chemo 2 weeks or 2 months from now, it will still kill the cancer.  But, to throw another twist into things ... Dr. M. is going to semi-retire next month and will no longer be doing chemo.  So I'm being transferred to a new oncologist!  I'll need a consult with him to discuss my treatment options.  His specialty is ovarian cancer and chemotherapy so I'm optimistic that he'll give me the right cocktail to get rid of this.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't upset hearing this latest news.  And yes, there were a few tears shed.  But I believe 100% in God's healing and know that He will fully and completely heal me.  My faith wavered after my Mom died.  I prayed so hard that she would get better and when she died, I thought that if she could die, then I could too.  I've finally been able to push those thoughts out of my head and turn all my energies into knowing that I will get better.  I'm so grateful for your prayers and positive thoughts.  I had told Dr. M. that I planned to live to be 100 plus one day.  Yesterday, I told him I had revised my goal and would settle for 99.  :)  And that is still my goal.  To live a long and healthy life.  To be pottering about my home and garden when I'm 95.

So there you go!  As I said, not what I wanted to hear but I can get through this.  I believe nothing happens without a reason and while I don't now know why I need to go through treatment again, someday that reason will be clear.  In the meantime, I'm going to continue to enjoy summer, my garden and focusing on health and healing.

love,
Lynda

Daylilies and garden plans

I usually prefer softer colours in the garden except for these gorgeous bright orange daylilies.  They're adding colour right now while the rest of the garden recovers from the high temperatures.  They don't mind the heat, in fact, they seem to thrive as the temperatures soar.

It's cooled down a little over the past couple of days and we've been able to get back out to the garden to work.  So much needs to be done!  At times it's overwhelming but then I remember to take one step at a time and look back to see what we've already accomplished.  Most of the weeds have been removed and I'm keeping up with the new ones that continue to pop up.  Two very large and overgrown bridal wreath spireas have been dug out, thanks to my husband.  I had mixed feelings about removing them.  They were beautiful for about a week or so when they bloomed but grew much too large for our small garden.  The light the garden is getting now that they're gone was worth the work it took to remove them.  And not having to prune them every couple of weeks so that we could find our way to the hose is nice too.

We're putting a lot more thought into what we plant and where we plant it.  Anything that grows too large or spreads too much is gone.  Invasive ground covers that tend to take over are being dug up.  Other plants we want to keep but are either overgrown or planted in the wrong spot are being divided and moved.  We're looking for pretty border plants and I'm almost ready for another visit to the garden centre to browse (at least that's what I'm telling my husband!).

Friends gave us a gift certificate to a local garden centre so we could plant a tree in memory of my Mom.  We chose a beautiful standard burning bush.  It grows around 5 feet high and about 3 feet wide - perfect for our little space.  Mom would love the bright red foliage it gets in the Fall.

Still wondering what to do about a very overgrown clematis and a lavender bush that has spread into an uneven and unattractive shape.  I cut half of the clematis back last week as it was smothering a beautiful fern nearby.  This thing takes up two trellises and overwhelms this section of the garden.  I'm tempted to dig it out entirely and replace it with something a little less aggressive.  As for the lavender, does anyone know if it can be reshaped without killing it?  I've always been hesitant to prune my lavenders, other than removing the spent stalks at the end of the season.  Also, if you also have suggestions for plants that will tolerate full sun and that don't grow too large or spread too much, please share!

One last thing ... I get the results of my scan tomorrow.  All I want to hear is that my scan is clear and I'm in remission.  I'll post a quick update on Thursday.

xo,
Lynda

Soft Pink Roses

My New Dawn climbing rose has taken a little break from blooming but just last week, it was chock full of beautiful soft pink roses.  They'll be back once the temperatures cool down a little.  I've had to water twice a day on more than one occasion - in the morning and again in the evening.  The poor hydrangeas just can't seem to get enough water and the bird baths are practically empty by the end of the day.  The birds are constantly drinking and bathing themselves and I've even seen a few "arguments" as some birds are getting a little possessive.  One robin in particular seems to think that it's their own and chases away any other bird that dares come by to have a drink.

Already the cicadas are buzzing in the trees and I'm enjoying these lazy hazy days.  Not much is getting accomplished but isn't that what summer's all about?  Most mornings, I like to sit on the porch with my coffee reading or daydreaming until it gets too hot to stay outside.  I signed up for a jewelery making course taught by the wonderful Andrea Singarella and hosted by Jeanne Oliver.  Andrea is an amazing teacher and I've already made a bracelet and a pair of earrings.  More than a few hours have been spent browsing through Etsy for beads!

Just a little update on my recent test results ... I had my CA125 repeated and it went up even higher to 1575.  I had a CT scan this morning of my chest, abdomen and pelvis and I see my oncologist next Wednesday to get the results. I'm optimistic that my scan will be clear and I'll be in remission!

See you soon!

xo,
Lynda

Pretty Cosmos

I've never had cosmos in my garden before and I don't know why!  They're gorgeous and so easy to grow.  I only planted four this spring, just to see how they'd do.  It tends to get very windy around here and even though I planted them by a fence, I wasn't sure how they'd manage getting battered about.  They're doing just great.  I'm already planning to plant more, lots more, next spring.

The bees love them too!  This little guy was busily going from flower to flower as I snapped away.  A few actually turned out.  :)

We had a really lovely Canada Day weekend.  The weather was nice, not raining (for a change) or so muggy that you feel like you're in a sauna!  We were able to spend most of the weekend out in the garden and are actually making some progress.  Finally.  This past weekend was another story.  Wet, hot and humid.  And there are armies of mosquitoes are out there, ready to attack the minute you step out the door.

I also saw my oncologist last Wednesday.  Physical exam revealed no tumours.  He was pretty confident that I was in remission. A follow up appointment was scheduled for six months but my blood work hadn't come back yet.  My nurse assured me she'd call later that day.  We waited and waited. No phone call.  Finally she called just before noon on Thursday.  Not good.  My CA125 was 1455!  Way, way too high.  It should be well below 35.  Back to the cancer centre Friday to have the test repeated in case it was a false positive.  I should get the results today or tomorrow.  I'm trying not to worry.

See you soon!
Lynda
xo