25 July 2013

The fight isn't over ... yet

Unfortunately my visit with my oncologist yesterday wasn't quite what I expected to hear.  The CT scan revealed multiple cancer cells in my lymph nodes along my aortic valve and in my pelvis. So that darn CA125 was right after all.  The lymph nodes were clear 4 months ago during my surgery.

My oncologist likened the cancer cells to a bowl of jelly beans.  You've got red ones, green ones, white ones, etc.  The white and green ones are cancer.  The chemo killed off the white ones and kept the green ones from being active.  But now that the white ones are gone and I'm finished chemo, they're able to get food and oxygen so they became active. 

What does all this mean?  Well it's back to chemo I go!  This time for a different drug that will kill off the green ones and put me into remission.  I don't know when I'll resume treatment.  Dr. M. said I might as well enjoy feeling good for awhile.  It won't make any difference if I have chemo 2 weeks or 2 months from now, it will still kill the cancer.  But, to throw another twist into things ... Dr. M. is going to semi-retire next month and will no longer be doing chemo.  So I'm being transferred to a new oncologist!  I'll need a consult with him to discuss my treatment options.  His specialty is ovarian cancer and chemotherapy so I'm optimistic that he'll give me the right cocktail to get rid of this.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't upset hearing this latest news.  And yes, there were a few tears shed.  But I believe 100% in God's healing and know that He will fully and completely heal me.  My faith wavered after my Mom died.  I prayed so hard that she would get better and when she died, I thought that if she could die, then I could too.  I've finally been able to push those thoughts out of my head and turn all my energies into knowing that I will get better.  I'm so grateful for your prayers and positive thoughts.  I had told Dr. M. that I planned to live to be 100 plus one day.  Yesterday, I told him I had revised my goal and would settle for 99.  :)  And that is still my goal.  To live a long and healthy life.  To be pottering about my home and garden when I'm 95.

So there you go!  As I said, not what I wanted to hear but I can get through this.  I believe nothing happens without a reason and while I don't now know why I need to go through treatment again, someday that reason will be clear.  In the meantime, I'm going to continue to enjoy summer, my garden and focusing on health and healing.



  1. My darling girl..you have the right attitude and the strength...it's there. Of course you've been knocked down...and no one expects you to be standing on your feet hearing this news. I'm taking heart from the fact that you are being transferred to someone who it sounds like is going to be your champion (not that the doctor you've had hasn't been...) and you are ready for that change. Rest...be in the moments...spend quality time with Bobby...remember all the reasons you have such a great life. And remember this -- people who love you and care about you are behind you and doing all the praying and loving that you need. We're here. Your attitude and your spirit will carry you far. Love you. xo

  2. Back into the battle, but The Lord goes before you and will never leave you. Thank you for sharing what the doctor had to say. Very interesting these bodies of ours. It is a blessing that you have the summer to build up strength, to garden, to do the things most important to you. Praying for you and cheering you on...

  3. Oh I was so hoping it was better news, but you do, my sweets, have such a wonderful attitude that healing will occur through your positivity. What would we do without our faith and trust in the Lord. I am happy that you will have the summer to enjoy and then the fight will begin against those green ones and the win will go to you!!

  4. Oh Lynda, I'm sorry to read that you didn't receive more positive news. I have no doubt though that things will take a turn for the better...you have such a great attitude and outlook on your future. For the moment, focus on the beauty of summer as well as your well-being and put yourself in God's hands. I'll keep you in my prayers. xo

  5. Was wishing better news for you. Your attitude going into all this is amazing. Will keep you in my prayers.

  6. Disappointmenting news but your positive attitude will carry you through Lynda. I like the jellybean description, helps me understand better.
    My prayers continue for you dear lady...

  7. You WILL get better my friend.
    There is simply no doubt in my mind.
    You hang in there, and know that lots of people are praying for you. xo.

  8. I love your determination! Keep it up! Who knows, maybe you'll like the new oncologist better than the last one. Maybe ...

    We're all pulling for you, Lynda. Let's just hope this a small bump in the road to your true recovery!


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