The fight isn't over ... yet

Unfortunately my visit with my oncologist yesterday wasn't quite what I expected to hear.  The CT scan revealed multiple cancer cells in my lymph nodes along my aortic valve and in my pelvis. So that darn CA125 was right after all.  The lymph nodes were clear 4 months ago during my surgery.

My oncologist likened the cancer cells to a bowl of jelly beans.  You've got red ones, green ones, white ones, etc.  The white and green ones are cancer.  The chemo killed off the white ones and kept the green ones from being active.  But now that the white ones are gone and I'm finished chemo, they're able to get food and oxygen so they became active. 

What does all this mean?  Well it's back to chemo I go!  This time for a different drug that will kill off the green ones and put me into remission.  I don't know when I'll resume treatment.  Dr. M. said I might as well enjoy feeling good for awhile.  It won't make any difference if I have chemo 2 weeks or 2 months from now, it will still kill the cancer.  But, to throw another twist into things ... Dr. M. is going to semi-retire next month and will no longer be doing chemo.  So I'm being transferred to a new oncologist!  I'll need a consult with him to discuss my treatment options.  His specialty is ovarian cancer and chemotherapy so I'm optimistic that he'll give me the right cocktail to get rid of this.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't upset hearing this latest news.  And yes, there were a few tears shed.  But I believe 100% in God's healing and know that He will fully and completely heal me.  My faith wavered after my Mom died.  I prayed so hard that she would get better and when she died, I thought that if she could die, then I could too.  I've finally been able to push those thoughts out of my head and turn all my energies into knowing that I will get better.  I'm so grateful for your prayers and positive thoughts.  I had told Dr. M. that I planned to live to be 100 plus one day.  Yesterday, I told him I had revised my goal and would settle for 99.  :)  And that is still my goal.  To live a long and healthy life.  To be pottering about my home and garden when I'm 95.

So there you go!  As I said, not what I wanted to hear but I can get through this.  I believe nothing happens without a reason and while I don't now know why I need to go through treatment again, someday that reason will be clear.  In the meantime, I'm going to continue to enjoy summer, my garden and focusing on health and healing.

love,
Lynda